The Randomness Continues

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Bush Announces Supreme Court Nominee

On Tuesday night, President Bush announced his nominee for the Supreme Court Justice to replace retiring Justice, Sandra Day O'Connor. While there was much speculation about who the President would choose, and whether or not the Democrats would use the fillibuster on a justice who was too conservative, Bush's pick went far beyond their worst fears.

"His choice is someone none of us could possibly have guessed," said Senator John McCain (R-AZ). "He has had no previous political background, and has barely even had any experience in law!"

Despite criticism, President Bush stands strongly behind his choice. "I feel he is the very best man for the job," Bush said while milking a cow on his ranch in Crawford, Texas.

"After all, I chose him, hoho! I mean, that wasn't easy either. It's kinda like, as we say in Texas-- um-- it's like-- milking a cow with a-- milker thingy, you sorta don't-- exactly-- know what you're-- getting-- and--," the President paused to pull notecards out of his front pocket.

"I am very pleased with my choice," he continued, reading directly from the cards, "flip card to back, and I am sure that congress will agree with me, hold for applause and smile for pictures."

Thursday, July 07, 2005

BlockBuster Announces Revolutionary New Program

This week, BlockBuster, the movie and video game rental giant, announced it will begin a new program that will revolutionize how rental stores work. This comes several months after the store started it's "No Late Fees" policy, which went into effect on January 1st, 2005. That policy allows customers to return rentals several days late, without having to worry about a late fee.

While that policy has been very popular with many, BlockBuster received several lawsuits about the fine print of the policy, which states that if a customer has a rental for too long, they are charge full price and a small restocking fee. Recently these lawsuits were settled outside of court, and BlockBuster change the wording of the policy.

Seeing how sales increased and gave BlockBuster the edge over all other rental stores, Chairman and CEO John Antioco announced another new policy, which will go into effect January 1st, 2006. "Our new policy," Antioco said during a press conference, "is the first of it's kind for rental stores. I am pleased to announce our new "End of Returns" policy. That's right, you don't even have to return your favorite DVDs or video games now! You simply pay $20 for a DVD and $50 for a video game, and they are yours for as long as you could possibly want them!"