The Randomness Continues

Friday, April 29, 2005

New Development in the Michael Jackson Molestation Case

On Thursday singer Michael Jackson's ex-wife, Debbie Rowe, testified in court. District Attorney Tom Sneddon was hoping Ms. Rowe would claim that Jackson made her read statements that appeared in an interview saying the alledged Molestation never occured. Instead, Ms. Rowe claimed Jackson never did anything of the sort.

Looking for some last minute evidence to get a guilty verdict, Sneddon called another celebrity to take the stand. No, it wasn't Cory Feldman again, as much as his career could use the boost.

"Tell me Mr. Clause," Judge Rodney Melville said on Friday, "In your own words, what happened that night in April of 2002?"

Santa Clause leaned into the podium-mounted microphone. "Well, Michael invited me to Neverland, said he had some new ideas for toys, told me to bring some of my 'cute little friends' with me."

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The judge nodded, "Then what happened?"

Santa Fidgeted. "Well," Clause continued, "I--," Santa then broke into tears. "I swear I had it with me when I left the North Pole! You know, I'm always checking it twice, sometimes even three times! Mrs. Clause always has to bug me on Thursdays to turn off the OC and get to work on that darn list. Well, Michael and I were sitting there talking about this idea he had for me to outsource some elves to Neverland to do research and design, and I reached into my pocket to make sure it was still there--- and it was gone." Santa burried his head into his hands.

"Mr. Clause," Judge Melville asked, "What happened to the list?"

Clause reached for a Kleenex and blew his nose. "Well, I told Michael to keep an eye out because I am getting on in years and have been known to be careless and forgetful with things. I was on my way out to the sleigh, when I realized I had forgotten to ask Michael for an autograph for The Easter Bunny. So I walked back in and that's when I saw--," Santa blew his nose again, "I saw Michael with my list, writing down the names of all the good little boys and... well, just the good little boys."

This shocking new piece of evidence comes as a major blow to Jackson' defense team. Prosecutors have announced that they will next call on The Tooth Fairy and The Boogeyman, both of which are close friends with Jackson. In a press conference on Saturday morning the Boogeyman's lawyer, Diane Chase, said that her client refuses to make any statements on allegations that Jackson bribed The Boogeyman into allowing the singer to hide in closets with him.

A similar response came from The Tooth Fairy's attourney, Bob Newhart. "Ms. Fairy is good friends with Mr. Jackson, and will indeed testify in his defense next week," Newhart told reporters. "These claims that Mr. Jackson threatened to stop brushing his teeth if Ms. Fairy didn't allow him to come collect teeth with her are absolutley perposterous."


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