Saturday, February 19, 2005
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Lost Russian spy satellite found on popular PBS show
On January 9th, 2005, a satellite made a fiery re-entry into Earth's atmosphere, and was suspected to be somewhere in the Ural Mountains in southeastern Siberia. The satellite supposedly an advanced Kobalt-class spy satellite, belongs to Russia. Members of the Russian space program were reluctant to comment on details, but did say, "Spy satellite? What spy satellite? What are you talking about? I've never heard of such a thing."
In an official report released only three days after the satellite fell back to Earth, a Russian official, wearing a suit and black sunglasses, claimed, "The Russian space program is too busy studying rock formations on Mars to launch such a satellite." It then added, "But we did lose an out-dated weather satellite. Has anyone seen it? If you do, please don't open it-- as it might be contaminated by-- you know-- space-- goo, or something."
For weeks the Russian military has been sending expeditions to the Ural mountains. When asked about the strange expeditions, a Russian General made this statement: "There are no expeditions, there is no satellite, and there was no re-entry. What you saw was the aurora borealis reflecting off a packet of atmospheric gasses."
On a brand new episode of PBS's hit show Antiques Road Show, filmed live in Des Moines, an elderly woman from Illinois brought the 'toaster' she bought in a flea market to get it appraised. "Ma'am," the appraiser said, "What you have here is not a toaster at all. In fact, it seems to be some sort of-- satellite. Now, if this had been a real Toastrite Pan Electric Man toaster, you would be looking at an estimated value of between $1,500 and $2,500. But because it seems to be, if I'm not mistaken, the missing Kosmos-2410 Kobalt-class Russian spy satellite, based on the design of the US Gemini spacecraft-- it will bring under $200 on the market."
Sunday, February 13, 2005
THE TOP TEN REASONS WHY OTHER COUNTRIES MIGHT HATE US:
10. Jealous of our purple mountains majesty and amber waves of grain.
9. Angry about their country's hero not being as cool as Captain America.
8. May or may not be France, and may or may not want to take back Louisiana Purchase, hypothetically speaking.
7. That whole "Constitution" debacle.
6. American Idol(s).
5. American cheese.
4. American Pie(s).
3. Might have something to do with the number of times we've invaded them in the last 4 years, maybe?
2. Starts with a "G", and ends with an "eorge W Bush".
1. Could possibly be a certain foreign leader who might be mad at two certain creators of South Park who might have made fun of him (and his lithp) in a movie which could possibly have had a song in it that went, "America! Fuck yeah!" Sorry that could not have been a little bit more specific.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Saturday, February 05, 2005
If there's any soda better than Jones Soda, I have yet to taste it.
Anyone can send in a picture, but only the ones that receive the most votes on their website (www.jonessoda.com) will win.
So here is where you all come in. Below are eight of the best (in my opinion) mushroom pictures. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE comment on which of the eight you would like to see sent in to Jones Soda's label contest. I want to hear from as many of you as humanly possible.
In a couple weeks I will make my final decision and you all will be able to vote for my picture to be a label for Jones Soda! Please, this is your chance people! Don't you want to be able to show off your blue finger too?! (maybe they just ate lots of plumb pie like Little Jack Horner)