The Randomness Continues

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Superman Quits After Series Of Law Suits

Superman announced Friday afternoon, in a press conference, that he would be quitting the superhero business after several law suits kept him tied up in court for the last few years. Superman's agent, Michael Ross, fielded questions after the press conference. "He's just tired of all the court time," Ross said. "Sure, he's getting a little old, and might not make the best decisions all the time-- but you try being a superhero AND a mild-mannered journalist for a Metropolitan newspaper. It's hectic work."



"Superman was just going about the usual: saving Lois Lane a couple times, thwarting Lex Luthor's evil plans, and filling in for the lady who writes the advice collumn for The Daily Bugle... when suddenly he sees this kid falling. So what does he do? He does what he always does. You know, "faster than a speeding bullet" and all that. Well.. this time.. the guy was bungie jumping, and..."

".. I had just jumped off the platform," said extreme sport enthusiast Darren Cobb, "Then.. the next thing I know.. I was in a hospital in a full body cast."

Superman plucked Cobb out of the air and continued flying, unaware of the bungie cord keeping Cobb fastly secured to the bridge. The two rocketed back into the bridge. After a very secretive out-of-court settlement, Superman went back to work. "He was never quite the same," his agent told reporters. "Since then, things really haven't been going that well for him, and he feels retirement is the best solution."

To find his replacement, Superman is hosting FOX's new reallity TV show "Who Wants To Save Metropolis". Until then, Metropolis is being left to Interim Superheroes, the cast of the 1972 move Scooby Doo meets The Harlem Globe Trotters.



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