After 80 years, America's Thanksgiving Parade exported over-seas
After 80 years of having a Thanksgiving parade in downtown Detroit, The Parade Company has announced that the parade has been exported to Japan.
"I feel this is the best choice for the people," chairwoman Deborah Dingell said. "Now they can get a much higher quality parade than they were getting before. Sure, they will have to watch it from the other side of the world, but think of how much money we will be saving! Back when we used American labor, we had to deal with all these so-called 'laws' that prevented us from doing things we wanted, like paying less than a dollar an hour and working 20 hour shifts!"
The community's responses have been just as positive. "Of course I think the change is a good thing," Bill Thompson, a former Ford employee who has been unemployed after getting laid-off over a year ago, said. "We get a parade that is a million times better than it used to be, and they get to save so much money! Just think how amazing the parade will look if they had used all that money to improve the floats! Of course, that money will instead be funneled straight into the pockets of the executives, but it doesn't matter. They're saving so much money!"
When asked what she thought would happen to the hundreds and hundreds of people who lost their jobs, and the ammount of income the city of Detroit will lose, Dingell merely cocked her head to the side and blinked.
(NOTE: This post certainly did not have an underlying political theme)
Thursday, November 25, 2004
After 80 years, America's Thanksgiving Parade exported over-seas
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Senile Old Men and Stoned College Students Show Up To Vote... Two Weeks Late
Today, all around the country, senile old men and stoned college students showed up at their local precincts to vote for the president of The United States. Unfortunatley, they're two weeks too late. As most of the country knows, George W. Bush won the election on November 3rd, the day after election day.
"I was wondering what made all of those Conservative pricks so damn sure that George Bush would win," said Charlie Mohr of New York City. I guess knowing that he already won makes their argument that much stronger.
After years of criticizing President Bush, months of chanting "No More Years", and weeks of saying Kerry will do more for the US in one term than Bush did in four... thousands just plum forgot to vote.
One of these people, self proclaimed Liberal, 23 year old NYU student Adam Johnson explained why he forgot to vote. "Dude, so I was like so wasted Monday night, and---so like, me and my friend Doug, we were watching old episodes of Hangin' With Mr. Cooper, and Doug, he's like... like, 'Dude... I think tomorrow is election day,' and I'm like, 'Dude, for your mom, tomorrow's erection day!' And dude, Doug was like, 'Man, don't be talkin' 'bout my dad like that!' And I was all like, 'Man, I was bad mouthin' your mom cuz she's a whore.' And then Doug like passed out on the couch man, so like, yeah... wait, what was I talking about?"
Jack Morris, a 76 year old Vietnam Veteran had a different reason for not voting: "We were in the forest near Saigon, and I could smell the stank of Charlie rising like shit-stank from the swamps. Bobby was just 19, poor bastard, blown to pieces by the gun of some VC mo'fo. I pushed the pieces of flesh from my eyes, dropped down the muddy hill and felta goddamn gooks blood run fresh on my hand as my knife ripped into his throat." Morris's 7 year old grand daughter looked up at him, pretty brown eyes swelling with tears.He looked around. "Veronica... ear muffs!"
Dissapointed, thousands of men like Jack and Adam return to their couches tired, confused, whiney, and bitter...
... In other words, nothing has changed.
"I would have probably voted for Nader anyways," Adam said, "But I'm still pissed. My vote could have made a difference!"
"Vote for the-- what --- of The United States?" Jack asked, confused.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Mushroom Picture Collection: Part III
Mushrooms lends a helping hand.
Back With Nature, part 3.
Lord of the Ring?
Mushroom in the mist
Microwave safe Mushroom?
Mushroom and friend, part 2
Genie of the lamp?!
'Tis the season to be Mushroom, fa la la la la la la la la.
Around the World, but not Jackie Chan.
Well, after three months the long awaited third part of the Mushroom Picture Collection is finally here. Enjoy these, as not even I know when the fourth collection will come out.
Monday, November 08, 2004
In a press conference Monday morning, less than a week after being re-elected to a second term, President Bush announced he "worked for the first time, today. I didn't like it much. I'm not cut out to do this whole 'president' thing. I said to Dick, I said, get Kerry's people on the phone. Maybe we can, you know, like they say in Texas, work somethin' out."
After 25 minutes of arguing, both men agreed to be co-presidents. "He does all that, you know, borin' stuff. Like keepin' all them crazy promises I made," Bush said. "And all I have to do is make 'im look good."
"In the end, our president made the right decision," said Kerry. "One I feel will benefit the country as a whole." Kerry then went on a 17 minute tirade, but no one really remembers it, most of the press members having fallen asleep.
Meanwhile, John Edwards and Dick Cheney, both out of jobs, decided to put their differences aside, and open a small breakfast niche in Vermont. Dick and John's Waffle House also specializes in Dick's very own orange glazed muffins, fresh ground coffe, and a secret Edward's family recipe for omelettes.
Monday, November 01, 2004
..or is he? What's this I hear about another Bennifer? Could it be?! They're getting back together? (sigh) No such luck. Instead, Ben is dragging a different Jen to his Red Sox games. Jennifer Garner.
So what is it with Ben and women named Jen? Does he have an obsession? Yes. Is their relationship doomed to fail? Yes! And when it does, what will he do???
To aid our friend Ben along, The Randomness Continues has compiled a list of famous Jennifers that Ben could fall in love with! I know, we're so thoughtful.
Jennifer Tilly: Sure, her voice is kind of annoying, but she was in Home On The Range. With Rosie O'Donnel! Come on Ben, Rosie! Rosie!!
Jennifer Aniston: Sure, she's married to Brad Pitt. But come on, it's not every day you get to go out with an Academy Award winner (for best screenplay, shared it with Matt Damon. I wonder who did most of the work?)!! Dump Brad, and date Ben! Didn't you see Pearl Harbor?!
Jennifer Gray: Cheer up, Ben. She might not be Jennifer Aniston, but they did play the same role of Ferris Buellers sister! (one in the movie, one in the TV show) That counts for something!
Jennifer Love Hewitt: Lips that touched Carson Daily's MUST be good enough for Ben's!!
Jennifer Granholm: Sure, she's the governor of Michigan. And it is true that she is married and has children. But it's Ben Affleck! BEN AFFLECK!!!!
Everyone else might make fun of you, Ben, but I've got your back.