The Randomness Continues

Sunday, March 21, 2004

Today is the birthday of a very important person to this website. A person, whom without, this website would not exist. Because of this person's hard work and perseverance (despite what people often say), this website is now as great as it is (you be the judge of how great that is). That person? NO! Of course it's not The WiseGuy! I'm talking about Matthew Broderick, whose perfomance in Ferris Beuler's Day Off changed the world. Happy Birthday!

(Beuler. Beuler. Beuler.)

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

The WiseGuy's vision blurred as he starred down at the test, which actually (in the state his mind was currently in, which is know as the pre-happy, post-happy mood) seemed to be a lot thicker than five pages (a tome possibly).

Okay, this isn't that hard, he thought. Come on, keep going! Keep going! NO!!! What are you doing, his mind screamed at him as his right arm stopped mid-sentence. You're still writing the date! Keep going!

The WiseGuy read the first problem. What is the sum of the exterior angles of a Pentagon. He didn't know that!

The answer is 540 you moron! NO!!! Why are you writing 2? That doesn't make sense! LISTEN TO ME!

Problem three, how many angles of reflectional symmetry does a rectangle have? You skipped two! Hello? Do you hear me talking to you?! YOU SKIPPED TWO! Oh Come on! This isn't that hard! The answer is two!

"Oh yeah," The WiseGuy said, laughing. "The answer is 540!"

NO!!!! I STUDIED! WHERE WERE YOU!?!?

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

The WiseGuy looked up, to see a sheep sitting in the seat in front of him.

"Go away!" He looked back down at the test (which was now the size of a book that was put together about every day in the life of Bob Hope). Question four: Given angle 1 and angle 2 are supplementary, and the measure of angle 2 is 75 degrees, what is the measure of angle 1?

105!!!! 105!!!!! CIENTO Y CINCO!!!!!!! ONE-ZERO-FIVE! 200-195!!!!!!

"I got it! 37!"

NOOOOOOO!

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

The WiseGuy looked up again to see another sheep next to him. "GO AWAY!"

Back to the test. Come on! That stupid freshman who sits behind you is almost done! You're still on problem 5!

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
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"GO AWAY! ALL OF YOU!"

The answer is 300! Are you an idiot!

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
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Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

"GET OUT OF HERE!!!!!"

Get back to the test! That smart-ass girl is done already!"

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
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Tuesday, March 16, 2004

There really isn't a true explanation for why I think one of my teachers might be the Devil (or if not the Devil, then a close relative to the devil, possibly the Devil's barber). The truth is, I don't hate her. And by don't hate her, I mean I don't pray for a piano to fall on her (all though I do like the thought of it), like I did with my last math teacher (whom I truly believe might be the Devil's mother). The thing is, it's the fact that she teaches math that makes me dislike her. She's not mean, she's not strict, she's not a dumbass. She simply is a math teacher. Every new person I meet starts at 100%, except math teachers. They start at 0%. Occasionally, they might get on my goodside, in which case they could get all the way up to 1%! That doesn't mean I hate them as people. If they worked at a candy store, I might like them. But considering they are math teachers, I hate them. Why??



(THE FOLLOWING MAY, OR MAY NOT, HAVE HAPPENED TODAY IN MATH)



[EVIL MATH DEMON]: WORK ON YOUR 1,000,000 PROBLEMS OR SUFFER FOREVER IN THE BURNING LAKES OF SULFUR IN THE DEEPEST PITS OF HELL!!!

(whips the huddled masses of innocent students)

[EVIL MATH DEMON]: CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHAT YOU WOULD GET IF YOU'RE GIVEN LINE Q IS PARALLEL TO LINE S, AND YOU KNOW THAT THE PERPENDICULAR BISECTOR DIVIDES A HEPTACONAKAIENNEAGON INTO TWO DIVISIBLE PARTS WHICH FORM A CONCAVE ICOSITETRAGON THAT IS PERPENDICULAR TO LINE R, AND SUPPLEMENTARY TO LINE V?

[THE WISEGUY]: Two?

(EVIL MATH DEMON grows enormous and towers above THE WISEGUY, pointing at him with her spear made of the souls of years and years of helpless teenagers who were killed from having to do proofs)

[EVIL MATH DEMON]: FOOLISH MORTAL, YOU DARE TO INSULT ME WITH YOUR GUESS?????????? YOU SHALL PAY WITH YOUR SOUL!!!!!!!!!!!

(EVIL MATH DEMON pulls a lever that sends THE WISEGUY crashing through the floor into a pit of burning HANSON CDs)



That's more or less what happened. It's needless to say, I hate math. I'm an A student in every class, except math. I'm not worried though. If monder politics has taught me anything, anyone can get a really good job (like President of the United States of America, for example).

Friday, March 05, 2004

WISEGUYISM # 448: AMERICAN CINEMA AND SOVIETS.
If it wasn't for the Cold War, what would James Bond be doing? The answer: laundry or taxes. He wouldn't be out there saving the world from the man with the scarred face. He'd be inside H&R Block filling out paperwork. He wouldn't be kissing a new sexy girl all the time. He would be making change for people at the laundromat. So, in a way, without Soviets, we'd all be worse off.

WISEGUYISM # 666: ALARM CLOCKS.

Main Entry: alarm clock
Function: noun
Date: 1697
: a clock that can be set to sound an alarm at a desired time

People set alarm clocks, only to hit the snooze button ten times in the morning and still be late to where they needed to be 5 rings ago. What's the point of paying $30 for something that is meant to wake you up, if you just hit a button that delays it? Can't you just sleep in, be late, and use those $30 to buy your self a months worth of Ramen Noodle soup to keep you alive after you lose your job? That's like buying a house, then renting an RV and never using that house, but you still pay for it. Idiots.

WISEGUYISM # 3: IF PEOPLE HATE YOU, DON'T WRITE A BOOK, NO ONE WILL READ IT.
Hillary Clinton, I'm talking to you. Your life sucks. Your husband is an ass. You are ugly. But you write a book. Why???? Are you trying to piss Bill O'reilly off? Which reminds me, Bill O'reilly, I'm talking to you too. Forget the No spin zone, this is the no shit zone. No one likes you. You're the devil's spawn. You polute this world with your incorrect jibberings. How did you get on TV???? Did you threaten you would make FOX look bad, or something? Because if that was your threat, wow, that's one lame ass threat.

WISEGUYISM # 802: IF YOUR A NO-TALENT SINGER, PUT ON A SUIT AND DANCE IN OTHER ARTIST'S MUSIC VIDEOS. P DIDDY DOES IT ALL THE TIME.
P Diddy was a singer. Now he just stands in the background of music videos wearing his own crappy designer clothing, nodding his head with his arms crossed. Wow, so much talent. In fact, you should make a new CD. You can call it: 30 tracks of P Diddy nodding his head.

WISEGUYISM # 802.5: P DIDDY, PLEASE BUY THE DETROIT TIGERS. I DIDN'T THINK THEY COULD SUCK ANYMORE, BUT WITH YOU AS OWNER, THAT COULD CHANGE.
Not only is he talentless, but he's rich, and he wants to own an NBA team. It's his "dream", and
apparently he doesn't give up on his dreams. Riiiiiiiight. Oh well, you can still buy the Tigers.

WISEGUYISM #905: KISSING BABIES.
If people don't want to vote for a Presidential nominee, they won't. How many babies they kiss has no effect on anyone's decision.