The Randomness Continues

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Vice Presidential Debate is boring as hell until Vice President (and robot) Dick Cheney decapitated North Carolina senator John Edwards.

The Vice Presidential debates were once again boring and pointless this year. That is, until Vice President Dick Cheney decapitated John Edwards and began crushing his head, following one of the Senator's smartass remarks. Cheney's handlers finally managed to shut the Vice President down and remove the badly misshapen head of the formerly handsome Senator Edwards.

A spokesman for the Bush/Cheney campaign spoke about the incident to the media the next day. "We were all surprised when the CheneyBot v 1.3 malfunctioned like that. We thought we had worked most of the Vice President's homocidal rage out in the first 2 versions. But hey, everyone makes mistakes."

The CheneyBot was built back in August when the Vice President died of a heart attack only days after President George W. Bush officially chose him as his running mate. Not wanting to alert the public of the untimely death, the President went to work on designing a replacement for Cheney.

He (President Bush) contacted California Governor (and fellow Republican) Arnold Schwarzenegger. The President saw The Terminator only a few days before the tragic death, and decided to "use the people they used". Schwarzenegger's people called up Visual Effects designer Stan Winston, who immediatley began work on the CheneyBot v 1.0.

Two short months later and the CheneyBot v 2.0 is currently being built. "We believe studies on exactly what happened to the CheneyBot v 1.3 will help make the CheneyBot v 2.0 run smoothly," the Bush/Cheney spokesman said. "Other than fixing any bugs from the previous versions, CheneyBot 2.0 will also feature an updated version of Microsoft Windows XP, a CD burner, a Comcast High Speed Internet connection, Intel Centrino mobile technology, and a free CD-ROM of 5000+ clip art pictures."

When asked if CheneyBot 2.0 will be operational in time to do more campaigning for the 2004 Presidential Elections in November, the Bush/Cheney spokesman said, "We're all hoping to meet that deadline. After all, the American people will only believe the President's lies (specifically, those about the whereabouts of Cheney) for so long."

As for the Vice Presidential candidate to replace John Edwards, Senator John Kerry has announced he plans to appoint a younger, and more handsome clone of himself (made by the Visual Effect's designers behind Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clowns, excuse me, Clones) to the position.


Post a Comment

<< Home