The Randomness Continues

Friday, July 16, 2004

In the end, I guess Martha secretly got the last laugh. She got a decreased sentence of 5 months in federal prison, 5 months of home confinement, and fined $30,000, instead of the 10-16 months we were all hoping for. Immediatley after being sentenced, standing on the steps of the courthouse, Martha said, "I'll be back." Stewart then put on a leather jacket and sunglasses and went on a rampage through the city trying to kill Sarah Connors. Oh wait, that was The Terminator, my bad.  That was just one of the many hilarious acts she performed during the sentencing. She begged the judge to "remember all the good I have done", hoping it would get her a reduced sentence. Good? You call slapping your face on every piece of cooking crap, polluting the airwaves with Martha Stewart Living, Cooking With Martha and Ask Martha, and being the spokesman for K-Mart good? I call that pure evil. Maybe the "good" she was talking about was how she made every woman think they could cook in her easy to follow recipes. Unfortunatly, Martha doesn't have magical powers ("She turned me into a newt.... I got better."), so many of those women still can't cook. Oh well, nice try Martha. She then said, "Today is a shameful day. It's shameful for me, for my family and for my company." Wait, it's not shameful for our country? The prison sentencing of a woman who controls a "media empire" worth over $1 billion dollars isn't shameful for The United States? Tisk tisk Martha, that could have earned your extra points by making the people feel like you had let them down, but then appologized. You bitch. I mean... yeah, that pretty much says it all. So while Martha is in prison, who else will tell me the many uses of dried rosemary, or how to cook a gourmet meal in 30 minutes (it especially helps if your stagehands do all the work for you!), or how to add a spice to my living room using drapes with a nice floral print? Who? The world will crumble and... oh wait, we can all watch I Love the 90s!


Post a Comment

<< Home