The Randomness Continues

Friday, March 05, 2004

WISEGUYISM # 448: AMERICAN CINEMA AND SOVIETS.
If it wasn't for the Cold War, what would James Bond be doing? The answer: laundry or taxes. He wouldn't be out there saving the world from the man with the scarred face. He'd be inside H&R Block filling out paperwork. He wouldn't be kissing a new sexy girl all the time. He would be making change for people at the laundromat. So, in a way, without Soviets, we'd all be worse off.

WISEGUYISM # 666: ALARM CLOCKS.

Main Entry: alarm clock
Function: noun
Date: 1697
: a clock that can be set to sound an alarm at a desired time

People set alarm clocks, only to hit the snooze button ten times in the morning and still be late to where they needed to be 5 rings ago. What's the point of paying $30 for something that is meant to wake you up, if you just hit a button that delays it? Can't you just sleep in, be late, and use those $30 to buy your self a months worth of Ramen Noodle soup to keep you alive after you lose your job? That's like buying a house, then renting an RV and never using that house, but you still pay for it. Idiots.

WISEGUYISM # 3: IF PEOPLE HATE YOU, DON'T WRITE A BOOK, NO ONE WILL READ IT.
Hillary Clinton, I'm talking to you. Your life sucks. Your husband is an ass. You are ugly. But you write a book. Why???? Are you trying to piss Bill O'reilly off? Which reminds me, Bill O'reilly, I'm talking to you too. Forget the No spin zone, this is the no shit zone. No one likes you. You're the devil's spawn. You polute this world with your incorrect jibberings. How did you get on TV???? Did you threaten you would make FOX look bad, or something? Because if that was your threat, wow, that's one lame ass threat.

WISEGUYISM # 802: IF YOUR A NO-TALENT SINGER, PUT ON A SUIT AND DANCE IN OTHER ARTIST'S MUSIC VIDEOS. P DIDDY DOES IT ALL THE TIME.
P Diddy was a singer. Now he just stands in the background of music videos wearing his own crappy designer clothing, nodding his head with his arms crossed. Wow, so much talent. In fact, you should make a new CD. You can call it: 30 tracks of P Diddy nodding his head.

WISEGUYISM # 802.5: P DIDDY, PLEASE BUY THE DETROIT TIGERS. I DIDN'T THINK THEY COULD SUCK ANYMORE, BUT WITH YOU AS OWNER, THAT COULD CHANGE.
Not only is he talentless, but he's rich, and he wants to own an NBA team. It's his "dream", and
apparently he doesn't give up on his dreams. Riiiiiiiight. Oh well, you can still buy the Tigers.

WISEGUYISM #905: KISSING BABIES.
If people don't want to vote for a Presidential nominee, they won't. How many babies they kiss has no effect on anyone's decision.

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