The Randomness Continues

Monday, February 02, 2004

Today is Groundhog Day! To normal people, that means absolutely nothing, it's another Monday, not a holiday, go to work. But a small town wanted attention. So some genius decided to base a holiday on whether or not a Groundhog from the small city of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania saw his shadow. And somehow it became a holiday. What next? If my cat sees his reflection are we going to dedicate a memorial to him? Does anyone else completely despise this useless holiday?

You may be thinking to yourself, "Well golly, Punxsutawney Phil predicts whether winter will end early, or if we'll have to endure another six weeks!" And to that, I respond, "No moron, you will have to endure another seven weeks of winter because the first day of spring isn't until March 21 (which also happens to be the birth of the most important person in the world... No, not The WiseGuy, Matthew Broderick!)! Wow! Look at that! I predicted the weather, and I didn't even see my shadow!"

So, it really is Punxsutawney Phil who predicts the weather? You're telling me that thousands of Meteorologists who went to school for years and get paid hundreds of dollards to spend hours pin-pointing the hour that it will start snowing, are wasting their time because freaking groundhog can do it on one day???? Well, I'll be damned (NOTE: THIS IS THE FIRST RECORDED "CURSE" WORD USED BY THE WISEGUY ON THIS SITE OTHER THAN HELL AND CRAP, WHICH AREN'T REALLY SWEAR WORDS, BUT LIKE TO PRETEND TO BE SO THEY CAN GET DATES! IT'S A REVOLUTION). All of that intelligence and money wasted, when a stupid groundhog can do it for free. What next, are you going to tell me that we don't need doctors anymore, because a pig from Kansas has found the cure for cancer???

This calls for drastic action. Punxsutawney Phil, you are officially an enemy of The Randomness Continues for pretending to be a meteorologist. Things like this just piss me off to no end. He's a groundhog. To tell you the truth, I would rather listen to those lying losers on The Weather Channel, then listen to a bunch of old people talk about "the tradition of Groundhog day". If anyone knows a good recipe for groundhog chili, has a car, and can drive me to Pennsylvania... What are we waiting for???


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