The Randomness Continues

Sunday, January 04, 2004

THE RANDOMNESS CONTINUES PRESENTS:

WHEN "OOPS I DID IT AGAIN" STOPS BEING YOUR HIT SINGLE, AND BECOMES YOUR DEFENSE ATTOURNEY'S PLEA OF INSANITY

A SPECIAL INVESTIGATIVE... THINGY


Usually I don't dedicate an entire post to pop music, especially when there are so many more interesting things (STIMPMITS' new musical, the possibility of a snow day tomorrow, and a man who's story starts with the purchase of hundreds of thousands of those vaccuum storage bags that can squeeze a Bull Elephant into a handy plastic bag, and ends with several mis-trials and embarrassing footage that landed on CNN) to talk about... yet with the constant barrage that is the stupidity of pop musicians, I was forced to give in.

So you accidentally got married? "I do? Woops, I thought I was saying 'eye goo', haha" For someone with millions of dollars, a singing voice that is considered a weapon of mass destruction under the Geneva Convention, an acting career that is being compared to such greats as Pauly Shore, Ice Cube, and Snoop Dogg, and a clone (or maybe that's just her sister), Britney Spears sure is stupid. Wait... where was I going with all that information? It doesn't matter. The point it, she should have thought about the thousands of single guys who are now forced to take down their posters and shrines because they don't want to get in a fight with another jealous husband (that last one was a doozy, all I remember was Dennis Rodman was either the husband or the wife... could have been both). Did you think of them before you got married Britney? Your "fans" (sure, I love Britney Spears. What do you mean, do I like her music? SHE'S A MUSICIAN?????) should be the most important people in your life (and you thought only 10 year old girls bought your posters). So after the divorce (we truley wish you a happy and healthy marriage, hopefully that week of wedded bliss won't be too hard on you, but just think; next we you'll be back to having arguments with Justin again) take into acount little sally (a fan since she was 7), little Becka (a fan since she saw you in concert in '01), little Laura (who has been a fan since she bought your CD "Britney" last year) and little Butch and all the guys from the Frat house down the street (fans since they saw you kiss Madonna).

Now, I must say, The King of Pop is the last person we excpeted to see in court... actually, since the picture of him next to the female ape from Planet of the Apes that I saw/made/spread all over the internet... I've been expecting to see him in a zoo. "Mommy, Mommy, I want to look at the abomination!" But if you ask us our opinion on whether or not Michael Jackson should be put in jail because of this... we say no. We're defending him. I mean, if you were that ugly, we'd give you a couple fuck-ups to now-and-then. Did he do the wrong thing? Sure, he's been doing the wrong thing since he was in the Jackson 5 (ABC, 123, we still cant read!). Does he deserve to go to jail? No, he'd be passed around like currency. But does he deserve to remain free? No. I say we put him in a zoo with Barbara Streisand. Oh, and blow up Neverland. Don't worry Peter, not that Neverland. But Michael likes to pretend... boys that never grow up...

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