The Randomness Continues

Sunday, December 28, 2003

Well Christmas is over, trust me, I have taken the last few days to make sure it's gone, and it is. It's safe to come out now. Or is it? I thought the pre-Christmas insanity was bad-- but this year, the post-Christmas hype is MUCH worse. Now that we can't have crappy Christmas specials, we need some cheap rip-offs like Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July. What next? How the Grinch stole Hanukkah? That's not half of it. I was at a store today (remind me never to go shopping again. EVER) and what did I see? Little kids screaming because they want a new toy. A NEW TOY? WHERE WERE YOU THREE DAYS AGO WHEN THE FAT MAN CAME? But of course there are the people who feel it neccesary to return gifts the day they get them. Why? Perhaps they think the ghost of maroon socks and retro-toasters will haunt their house? It was just nuts there. I thought about bringing along a machete and my best Elephant Rifle next time to hack through the old people. But then, as if Christmas didn't just end, we need to drag the next holiday out kicking and screaming. New Years? Oh no, think more than a month and a half away. Valentines Day. It's not as if New Years isn't important, is it? People are making up New Years Resolutions while they're not even done breaking last years Resolutions into a million pieces of "Oh, it just slipped my mind" (NOTE: THIS YEAR I RESOLVE TO NEVER GO SHOPPING), yet we have to drag out the "I love you with all my heart" crap? Please, Hallmark, just stop before someone DIES!!! Why don't we just agree to fast forward to the greatest Winter Holiday of them all (the second greatest would be College Bowl Day (some call it New Years Day, but next year will feel exactly like the year before did))... St. Patricks Day. Sure, it means nothing to me now... But once you turn 21 the color green isn't just to keep the bullys from pinching you... it's to blend into the camoflauge of drinking green beer, vomiting green, seeing green elephants and green spots, and finally "greening" out on the neighbors front lawn. I salute you St. Patricks Day, drunkening the (legally aged) public that haven't passed out in the Men's bathroom and called their wives "the greatest girl in this whole wide-- place!" since last St. Patricks Day.

Ah crap, it's still December!


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