The Randomness Continues

Friday, November 07, 2003

Well, it's that time a year. No, it's not international shave your cat day. It's Christmas. And like most people old enough for christmas to be a hassle, and young enough to like getting free stuff (uhh, can you get too old to like getting free stuff?), I've come up in the middle. On one hand, I just saw a commercial with giant dancing christmas tree ornaments. And I thought you had to be drunk on a sense of self-accomplishment after buying $250,000 worth of bad yo-yo's 17 years ago and slowly rationing them out to friends and family to see stuff like that. I guess I was wrong. And then on the other hand, free stuff. Well, everything comes with a price. I guess for christmas It would be watching all the bad Christian cartoons that try to tell you the true story of christmas through children with big eyes. Now don't get me wrong, I feel the commercialization of christmas is second only to the attrocity that is the commercialization of Al Gore ("Uhh, sorry, I spent our last 10 bucks on this talking Al Gore Doll. 'You are hearing me talk.'" -Martin Prince). But, does the Catholic church have to show Santa toting AK-47's and beating up endangered pandas to get their point across? Drastic actions require drastic measures, true. But Santa Claus is not the epitomy of evil. I like to think of him more as a vague summary of evil's intentions through the use of flashing lights and loud whistles. So, if we can't blame this on someone, how are we going to sleep tonight with visions of denial dancing in our heads? Of course! We'll embrace the American tradition of blaming our problems on an ethnic group. But who... African Americans? No. Japanese? No. Native Americans? No. Al Gore? Tempting, but no. Ah yes, we'll blame it on the secret alliance between Iraqi Dictator Saddam Hussein, Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden, North Korean leader Kim Dae-jung, and of course, Jeffrey the Giraffe, infamous leader of the terrorist group Toys R' Us, selling guns to our children for years and years!

Well, now that we have that solved, everyone can rest easy knowing that Toys R' Us sales are continuing to stay higher than average because no one reads my web site. I love the sweet smell of bitter reallity in the morning, don't you?


Post a Comment

<< Home