The Randomness Continues

Saturday, September 13, 2003

No smoke and mirrors. No steroids. No magic cards shoved in poofy sleeves. Heck, we don't even wear socks around here. We are old fashioned. In a good way though. Actually, we prefer the words "Classically Smooth" to old fashioned. We may be one of those small time websites with no pictures, sounds, or dancing jesus'. But what we do have is a whole lot of mind numbing content. In fact, so much mind numbing content that we often find ourselves slowly drifting off to a world where monkies wear brightly colored hats and sing old barber shop quartet songs while handing out pamphlets about why socks are the devil (we wear sandals here). Yet soon we breathe in the sweet smell of exhaust and rubber cement and find ourselves awake and stuck between two slices of reallity bread to make one big, sticky, reallity and peanut butter sandwhich (mmmm). Now, if you're still here you're either duct taped to your chair or you have lost all feeling in your legs and accidently typed in [] into the computer when you meant to hit 911 in the phone. Either way, you're probably wondering where all this is leading to. Well, I'm not quite sure... so lets just end it with some funny sayings.

Things not to say at your Trial for Driving Drunk...
-"You mean this ISN'T Grand Theft Auto?"
-"Who is Al Cohol?"
-"Ohhh, that's what stop means."
-"I swear, I didn't think you'd catch me."
-"... I have a CAR?"
-"Who's the guy with the hammer?"
-"6 points on my license? Am I winning now???"
-"Is this MY house?"
-"Ohh, pedestrians! I'm always open-minded of new religions."
-"I was trying to find Elvis!"
-"They're after me lucky charms!"
-"I wasn't drunk, someone cut my brakes. I pressed and I pressed on that stupid little pedal on the right next to the big one, but I just kept going forward!"
-"This is society's fault somehow."
-"Where's Judge Judy?"
-"Is this Style court?"

Things not to say if your a doctor performing heart surgery...
-"Heart... Heart... lets see... does anyone remember which leg it's in?"
-"What's this red stuff?"
-"Incision? Enough with these foreign languages, does anyone speak American?"
-"This is nothing like Doogey Houser!"
-"Man, this guy sure drank a lot of Ketchup. It's going to take weeks to drain all of it out of him."
-"Woops! I dropped my gum! Don't worry, it landed on the body. It's supposed to be red, it's Cinnamon... or was it grape?"

Things not to say halfway through a cross-country road trip...
-"...Where are the kids?"
-"Don't worry, this is one of those half boat-half cars!"
-"Speed Limit??? Please, this is a Corvette, there is no speed limit."
-"Pay attention to the WHAT now?"

Things not to say at a democratic national convention...
-"George Bush was my favorite democrat."
-"What's our symbol again... the duck of the ostrich?"
-"Do you guys remember that nice MONICA girl?"
-"This ISN'T the communist party?"

Things not to say while hunting...
-"Yeah, I saw a deer once."
-"Which way do I point the end with the hole?"

Things not to say while flying an airplane...
-"Hello, and welcome aboard flight 256. This is your captain speaking. We are currently 1500 feet up in the air. Now, before we put on tonights movie, I just wanted to see if anyone knew how to LAND one of these things."

Things not to say in a room full of 14 year old girls...
-"Leanardo WHO?"

Well that's it. Fooey.


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