The Randomness Continues

Sunday, September 28, 2003

THE CREATION OF "HOME COMING"

In the mid 1970's a secret organization bent on brainwashing American teenagers through High school football met in a Bingo hall south of Washington DC. It was a secret Bingo Hall.

[LEADER]: Thank you all for coming. Sorry we had to meet in this bingo hall, but when I asked for 40 million dollars to build a meeting place they said something about a "Vietnam War". I'm so tired of these made up stories. But that's not why we're here. We're here so we can brainwash America's youth through high school football. Now latley attendance at these football games has gone down. Does anyone have an idea to bring attendance back up?

[GUY #1]: We could make it mandatory and have teachers use their authority to inforce it, and make every student attend.

(laughter)

[LEADER]: Now does anyone have a realistic idea?

[GUY #2]: We could get hired goons!

[LEADER]: No goons!

[GUY #3]: What about thugs?

[LEADER]: No thugs either! Come on people, think realistically!

[GUY #2]: We could buy gorillas with oversized multi-colored baseball bats.

[LEADER]: ... I LIKE IT!

[GUY #4]: No, we need something that only happens once a year.

[LEADER]: We could buy new gorillas every year!

[GUY #4]: No gorilas!

[GUY #3]: We could hold an anual game that everyone looks forward to!

[GUY #5]: And we could then hold a mass cult gathering where we sacrifice a beautiful teenage virgin to the school mascot!

[LEADER]: GREAT! A SCHOOL DANCE!

[GUY #1]: But we need to have some kind of way to build anticipation for these events.

[GUY #5]: We could ressurect the dead and have them threaten to eat every first born of every family that has a student going to the school if they don't go!

[LEADER]: Nothing that has to do with dead! This is a joyous occasion.

[GUY #3]: I know, school spiritweek! All the students are forced to join in on a stupid celebration every day of spirit week to build everyones anticipation for the big game!

[LEADER]: No, oh just forget the idea of trying to brain wash teenagers!

[GUY #3]: We could force the students to go to a two hour pep assembly!

[LEADER]: I LOVE IT!

[GUY# 5]: We could also hike up ticket prices for all of these events to earn some extra money!

[LEADER]: But what would we do with this extra cash?

[GUY #1]: We could give each failing student a full college scholarship!

(laughter)

[GUY #4]: Lets just by a big TV and 5 million cartons of cigarettes for the teacher lounge!



And thus Home Coming was invented.

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