The Randomness Continues

Saturday, September 27, 2003

Before we get to tonights randomossity...

A Note from the WiseGuy:

Dear NOIP (no-one-in-particular),

Maybe you can help me with a problem. Is STIMPMITS dead? Is he legally driving? What in the name of Flipper the dolphin was up with that crazy otter crap? Has the-co-writer-formerly-known-as-STIMPMITS gone crazY? Or have I just gone sane and he's always been that way. I don't know anymore... I'm thinking of setting a trap for him and taking him to a medical insitution to be studied... I'll keep you posted.

Yours in fooey-ness,

The WiseGuy

(WARNING: THE FOLLOWING RANDOMNESS HAS BEEN DEEMED "POLITICALLY INCORRECT", "ANTI-SOCIAL", "GRAMATTICALLY INCORRECT", AND "STUPID" BY A LOT OF PEOPLE)

THE TRUE STORY OF NOAH'S ARK:

We've heard about the rains. We've heard about the sinful people. We've heard about the animals. But what about Noah's slacker brother?

Yesah (I love puns :) sat playing his gameboy and watching Noah try to round up two of every animal.

"Don't forget mosquitoes!"

"Mosquitoes aren't animals!"

"That's not what HE said!"

"He talked to YOU?"

"Maybe."

Noah was older. Noah was smarter. Noah had more hair. But Yesah had always been clever... so when God told Noah something about rain, death, and animals... Yesah was interested. He knew Noah had something against the "Wierd animals" that Yesah hid i his underwear drawer. "Abominations", "Sins against nature", and "Ugly" he called them. But Yesah had no friends, just a unicorn, santa clause, a smart blonde, a leprichaun, a mute telemarketer, a chipmunk duct taped to a chicken, and Al Gore.

"What did he say?"

"You know, the usual: Blah blah blah noah blah blah blah. If he loves you so much why doesn't he make you VICE god?"

"Oh go become a buddhist!"

So while Noah was trying to gather together two of every pinkle poodle from the WiseGuy's basement, Yesah was lighting stuff on fire. While Noah was building his ark, Yesah was asking his magic 8-ball if Ben Affleck was gay. While Noah was out seeing Finding Nemo, Yesah was sleeping. But then it started raining... oh wait, Yesah was taking a shower.

"So where are the floods, Mr. 'godlovesmemorethanyesah'?"

"It'll rain."

"When pigs fly--"

Yesah smiled as his pig duct taped to a penguin walked by.

The one day Noah and his family and all of the "normal" animals got in the ark. The it began to rain. So the Yesah realized maybe Noah was right. So he bought a raft and put his animals on it. The rain came down heavier. Yesah's gameboy ran out of batteries. The pig-guin died. But he kept at it.

To make a long story short, Yesah crossed into an inter-dimentional time warp and came out in the popular children novel "Yurtle the turtle" where he duct taped all of the turtles together to create what he called "Middle Aged-abnormal-kung fu-tortoises" (teenage mutant ninja turtles). He lived to be old and fat. The pig-guin still died.

Noah and all of his animals (except the ferret who accidentally smelled good) lived on to forever be in the pages of a book... a famous book... called "Hop-on-Pop". They sure loved to hop on pop.

So the moral of the story is...

Despite having no work ethic at all, Yesah ended up being the same as Noah. In the end, the third brother Maybeah set sail with the care bears to end up forever imortalized in the pages of THE greatest example of american literature... The StarBelly Sneaches!

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