The Randomness Continues

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

Well, there were no strange things appearing in my breakfast cereal today. I guess that’s a good thing.... (Geraldo.... shudder). Well onto the randomness. Today I realized exactly how imporatant the evolution of technology is for humanity. Don’t take my word for it, look at the timeline I made (I guess that’s still taking my word for it) and make your decision.

A VERY LONG TIME AGO:
-Fire: Ever since man invented fire there has been nothing but good things happening.... people melting army men, burning stuff... you must be thinking, “Wow, that doesn’t sound good to me!”. But you’re not a bored teenager with a zippo are you??? (if you are than welcome to the club)

NOT SO LONG TIME AGO:
-Paper: You can do stuff with paper... not that anyone does anymore. I mean why kill trees when you can kill brain cells by using the internet (uhhhh, me like compoooter).
-Llamas: What a great invention! I mean how long did it take Leonardo Davinchee to come up with that one?

1903: Now two of the most influencial long lasting inventions were created in 1903. That would be, of course, the kilt klippers (giving your Kilt a more fashionable look for 100 years!) and rubber chicken cream (Does your rubber chicken need a polish??? I know mine does. Now your rubber chicken can look brand-new, out-of-the-box, sparkling new.)
(NOTE: WHAT TWO INVENTIONS WERE REALLY INVENTED IN 1903??? IF YOU DON’T KNOW YOU SHOULD BE SHOT, THEN GO TAKE A RIDE IN YOUR car AND FLY IN YOUR airplane)

1970: When Geminy Cricket invented the internet everything came together. No longer did we have to walk 8 miles through the snow to buy things on ebay (I mean at the corner store)! Now we can just turn on an annoyingly slow computer, sift through hundreds of spam messages, pop-ups, and worthless advertisement banners, and then we’re home-free until our computer crashes and AOL kicks us off.

Some where between A VERY LONG TIME AGO and 1970:
Sliced Bread: No longer do we have to eat sandwhiches on stone... we have bread that we don’t have to easily cut with a knife!!! How convenient!

HONORABLE MENTIONS:
-The toilet
-Computers
-The telephone
-Electricity
-Toasters
-George W. Bush

What If:
Michael Crichton and the creators of South Park made a movie together???
(As told by the Randomness monkies)

In between eating and creating an inter-dimnetional time portal to resurect the ancient scrolls of Yadda-yadda and using them to manifest an army of nano-robotic-time taveling-cloned dinosaurs on an island off the coast of Cost Rica, Kenny died when he exposed him self to bio-nucleotic gamma nucleo radiation and discovered a race of giant Gorillas living in the middle of The Congo!!!!! Then they all swore a lot, and discovered a giant space craft in the bottom of the ocean that contained a sphere that tried to kill them all. Then they all made fart noises, laughed a lot, called some guy gay, made fun of some people, then all were brought down to the anatomic level by a mad scientist who worked for a huge mega-corporation that was trying to clone humans from the blood of an ancient lost civilization who created technology thousands of times what we have thousands of years before humans evolved!!!!


A Wiseguy once said:
-Santa Claus is real, he works for Sprint.
-Summer is not a big conspiracy theory to plant the idea that we actually have freedom into the minds of dillusional high school students, and then drag us back 2 1/2 months later!
-I did not just lie (again!) ^
-Barbie dolls are not real, therefore my new SMALL PEOPLE RIGHTS ASSOCIATION. YAY! will do nothing in fighting the battle for the rights of enslaved tiny people all across the world! (join SPRA.Y)
-I am not stealing the neighbors mail and placing adds for ATT in the SPRINT bills (hehe)

What If:
Everyone in the world vowed to be nice to each other and nothing bad ever happened ever again?
(as told by the Randomness monkies)

99.9999999999999% of all of the television channels would no longer exhist, while Al Roker would be my mail man and Geraldo Rivera would be my barber.

Well that's it... or is it????

Yes, yes it is.

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