The Randomness Continues

Saturday, June 14, 2003

Hello and welcome to Part 4 of Corporate Scandals Week (month)! What stands out more than a corporate Icon??? A flaming corporate icon! But in order to do that we need a corporate icon to begin with... so we’re half way there! Unlike the “Yo quiero Taco Bell” dog, our Icon will have lasting apeal and not fall victim to becoming Grade F meat products. So who is he??? COPORATE SCANDALS MAN! So to celebrate the end of corporate scandals week... why not have the the episode that explains the origins of CORPORATE SCANDALS MAN??

CORPORATE SCANDALS MAN EPISODE# 102: THE BEGINNING! (yes, I realizse that the episode that explains his origins is number 102... but hey! The monkeys were hungover when they made the other 101 episodes) CORPORATE SCANDALS MAN was just a 20 year old geek who had no friends... and a very odd name. But something would happen that would change his life and make people think he was cool, then he would become popular, and the head of an evil corporation will hire freaks with super powers to hunt him down to keep him from keeping the powerful head of an evil corporation from getting caught while doing evil things that the head of an evil corporation often does! CORPORATE SCANDALS MAN happened to be walking between Martha Stuart and a huge boiling vat of GAMMA RADIATION when all of a sudden they both exploded and a mutated spider came up and bit him, while a guy who would soon become his arch-nemesis killed his family, and a secret organization called the Y-MEN tried to get him to join. (original... arent we?) A few days later, while he was recovering, CORPORATE SCANDALS MAN (who was a mild mannered reporter from a small time village working in a large city metropolinotasupermanripoffolis who secretly was from a planet that exploded after his father sent him to earth) learned that he had super-powers! He could shred documents faster than a DELL! He could sell fraudulent stocks higher than the highest building (stupid monekys!)! He could even spend time when he should be working playing SOLITAIRE! Deciding to use his powers for good, not evil, he quickly changed his mind and went to work for ENRON! While there, he shreded thousands of documents, sold over 16 millions dollars of useless stock, and stole a sandwhich from the staff refrigerator, before he quit 2 hours later. Now he’s Martha Stuarts agent (a fitting match) and is fradulating (this should so be a word Websters!) for the queen of fradulation (this too). And now for an opening for the sequel his father is Captain Political Scam Man who has come over for a weekend stay to investigate a possible scandle, but he offers CORPORATE SCANDALS MAN a deal. What will the hero do? Fight his dad... or pay him $500,000 to accidentally over-look the scandle? Tune in next time for CORPORATE SCANDALS MAN EPISODE #103: MORE STUFF HAPPENS!

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