The Randomness Continues

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

Hello and welcome to The Randomness where we are going to do something new. Corporate Scandals week! To kick it off, I am being sued by The Disney Corporation, Martha Stuart, Jon Stewart, Al Gore, Al Roker, The Cult, The Weather Channel, and the state of Rhode Island. I'm spending more time in court than Robert Downey Jr. (theres another lawsuit), Martha Stuart (theres two for Martha), Enron (I have more money than they do, thats two lawsuits), and the Microsoft Corporation (Bill Gates could buy and sell me, but all the same, theres another lawsuit). While I am getting out the check book you can enjoy the week!

And now some great news! The Randomness ® is proud to annouce we are merging with Sponsor of Local Unknown Grocery Stores (SLUGS) and a kid down the street who said he found $2.57 in the park to form "Random SLUGS with $2.57!" Your right, that sounds bad, so we decided to call our selves AOL TIME WARNER 2 (theres another lawsuit), it just sounds better. Sure, neither of those three companies will even talk to us, yet we think they'll accept our offer of buying the name. I took time to buy the envelope, put the Post-It note with "Give it to us for free" on it inside, and send it to the wrong address 7 times before it got to them and they wripped it up and sent us a counter offer. "Go suck a Lemon". Pleasant people aren't they?

To go along with our theme for this week, we've created a new charity organization called "Adopt a former Enron executive (theres another lawsuit for Enron)". For one whole year you send 15$ a month to help an Enron executive buy essentials like paper shreaders and some booze. Send all donations to: 555 Fake Street. Joe, Montana 00001. Or call 968-7825 (for all of you who have phones, according to those letters that is YOU SUCK!)

So get out there and shred important documents, tamper with evidence, and be sure to come back tomorrow for more on Corporate Scandals Week!

Copyright ® Random SLUGS with $2.57 aka AOL TIME WARNER 2. (2003).


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